Lost with Teenagers
Do you have a teenager or maybe an adult in your life you are looking to connect with? I have found a way to do this that is both simple and fun—the equivalent of reading a bedtime story when an actual bedtime story would not be appropriate. I say the equivalent of a bedtime story because I have found reading nightly to strengthen a connection and heal any of the day’s missteps. I came to this understanding after a little journey. This is my experience.
I read out loud to my wife’s pregnant belly. I understand the baby can connect to a voice in utero.
Once born, I continued the tradition of reading to my child nightly. Until one night, many years later, she was done. She had been reading on her own for a long time. In hindsight, it’s likely she was being polite by allowing me to continue to read to her.
So what now? Do we go our separate ways in the evening? Teenagers can get quite busy, and I may not see her most of the day.
The driving force behind why I write—specifically for younger kids and middle-grade, can be summed up as follows: I want to create stories that bring parents and kids closer together with content that is funny and entertaining enough that kids are excited to read or be read to each evening, with enough depth that it inspires questions and conversations among the family.
The reason for this is based on my own experience. I’ve gained so much from this habit that I had not known would come when I began. I also understand that with an overabundance of unfiltered media being available to kids and teenagers, some direction is necessary. The ritual of nighttime reading is an easy way to establish a habit of daily connection and an opportunity for kids to ask questions and parents to give guidance.
The perfect time for this guidance is often during a time of reflection. The end of the day. I imagine these books being read as bedtime stories. I make an effort to contain chapter lengths to the perfect bedtime story size. Enough time to wind down and get into the story, but still easily finished in an evening to give that feeling of completion.
This time period is longer than five minutes. Years ago, I acquired (I’m not sure how—it seems they just appeared) a few books titled Five Minute Bedtime Stories. I will not name the franchises from which they were themed (because I am about to be critical), but It would not take an abundance of imagination to figure it out. Here’s the criticism: they were trash. The stories, rather than being based on a moral or a struggle that resulted in an understanding, were instead based on preexisting artwork. Screen grabs from the movie the stories were based on with the background or color theme changed. I found the stories so void of substance it fueled my motivation to create.
Stories that have real substance drive questions that lead to impactful discussions. I want to put some thought and effort into the day’s final moments. Family struggles happen. However, if a routine is established of cuddling up and reading a bedtime story, the last defining traits of the day are love, uninterrupted focus, and time together. This type of consistency adds up. It’s worth the investment of time and effort and also pays dividends. Trust me.
I have found bedtime stories bring up questions and inspire talks that otherwise may not happen. The killer in Brighty of the Grand Canyon illustrates that there are bad people out there without being scary. The character Uncle Jim demonstrates selflessness and compassion without preaching it.
After years of stores like this, eventually, your kid’s a tween. They kick you out of bed, having been able to read to themselves for quite some time. This is great—independence is the goal. But does it mark the end of a daily connection?
No. This is a critical time to maintain and strengthen this connection, especially as days get busier. If reading bedtime stories is out, something needs to fill the void.
Many adults fill the void by watching a show before bed. This is an opportunity to include an older kid. The trouble is finding an appropriate show. One that is edgy enough to spark interest in a teenager while at the same time not being over the line. The line of being uncomfortable to watch together or to advanced for the particular child’s age or temperament.
Recently, I found something that fits this description perfectly. The DVD collection of the series Lost. Yes, I still own DVDs. There are many benefits. I own physical media. I have seen prices skyrocket of series that are no longer available streaming because the company with ownership doesn’t want to pay royalties. I am also in great shape in the case of an EMP event like a solar flare. Other bonuses include the behind-the-scenes features on DVD sets that you won’t find on streaming services. I even found an offer for a free 2006 Lost calendar tucked in the case.
I love this show, and it’s adult enough that a teenager looking to gain experience and know about grown-up things will be interested, yet not so rough that you find yourself with a finger on the fast-forward button. Some of the make-out scenes are a touch long, but this is my only complaint. Unfortunately, by today’s standards, especially with most series being on streaming platforms, Lost seems tame by comparison. But remember this truth, something being common or socially acceptable does not mean it’s healthy. I seek to educate rather than desensitize.
Critics of the Lost series attack plot holes. Holes? Really? I see it as aspects of the world they lie just beyond the characters understanding. The series is, after all, from their perspective. Maybe they never understood everything either. I don’t understand everything in my world.
Others lamented the ending or debated if the plot was easily understandable. The complaint I have not seen, however, is that the show lacked character development or meaning. This exists to such a degree the series has been studied by those wanting to learn how to develop these elements in writing.
Regret, love, consequences of being overly controlling, drug addiction, doing the wrong thing for the right reason, lack of trust, greed, friendship, good, evil—it’s all explored.
These are fun topics to dive into. Now, this type of depth is not a required criterion for selecting a show. The goal is a daily connection. A bedtime story or a fun show simply serves as something to inspire this moment.
Nine months it took us to work through the one hundred twenty-one episodes. Nine months of ending days with a feeling of closeness and meaningful discussion.
Now, I feel a void again. We were all sad the journey ended. This, again, is great. It shows how meaningful the time has been.
Lost is special to me for several reasons. I feel the reason the show is often criticized actually stems from one of its major strengths. The writers were unafraid to take risks, get weird, and break rules. I will take a page from that book and all but plagiarize it. As a result of the writers bravery with experimentation, the show was never boring. Following a formula and trying to please everyone can result in work that seems recycled rather than artistic. Art can be messy in a beautiful way.
There is no equivalent of Lost, but as I stated earlier, my goal is daily connection rather than the best possible show. I intend to continue the bedtime tradition so the hunt is on for the next teen-friendly series.