Rough Days
There will be rough days. Days when self-pity seems to pour in through no fault of our own. The first thing to determine is if you are having a rough day or going through a rough season in life. This would be the difference between being in a bad mood or dealing with ongoing life circumstances.
Examples of these circumstances include the sickness of a child, complications in pregnancy that leave you in a state of prolonged fear, the recent death of a loved one, or ongoing financial troubles. Dealing with these life issues is different from simply having a bad day. The process explained here still works, but accept it will be more of a marathon, and you will have to recommit regularly.
A rough day is easier to deal with. Now the inclination can be to wait it out. To moodily trudge through until things change. There are a couple of problems with this, the main one being the loved ones in the blast zone of your unconscious lashings. Also, missing even one day of really experiencing life and being helpful to others can have lasting consequences. A spiral can begin and get out of control.
Rough days can be as simple as a mood. It may be that nothing has happened, but you may be hypersensitive to everyday things. But when we start to spiral, our attitude can turn into actions. Then a feeling spills over into the world and can affect those around us in ways that will outlast the passing emotional state. In other words, if we are in a bad mood and act out of it, that affects people around us. Now instead of just having to deal with an emotionally rough day, you have to repair the damage done to the people around you.
Here’s a process that I go through to snap out of it that always works for me. This is not the only one, but a good one to start with. First, take just a few minutes to take a look. I must find a spot free of distraction and do a quick check-in, even on a busy day.
Have I done anything that I feel wrong about? If yes, okay, now I know where to put my effort.
Is there anything going on that scares me? I tend not to feel scared; I usually call it stressed, worried, or frustrated. These are secondary to fear when I try to control something I can’t. But if I ask myself what I am scared of, I get an honest answer.
Suppose something is scaring me, and I can do nothing about it. Just by being self-honest about the fact that I have some fear going on, I can now process it rather than getting stuck in frustration that will leak all over those around me. By the way, if the fear seems stupid, telling yourself it’s stupid is not the best strategy. You are just being mean to yourself.
Simply acknowledging that what is going on is fear brings me into greater self-honesty and out of frustration. I can now share what’s going on with someone I trust.
Is there some other situation that I am ignoring? Something I need to tend to? Just take a look. If there is, it will usually bubble right up when I take a moment to look.
If this check reveals nothing and I have no idea what is going on, it is time to focus on action. I put my effort into doing things that will cause me to like myself later.
I have taken a look; now it’s time to move on and into the day. Is there a way I can be helpful? How’s my tone? My facial expressions? How is everyone else doing? Do they need anything? Is there a project or task I have been putting off? These are all great things to put energy into. And as it turns out, whatever is going on emotionally usually reveals itself or works itself out, and I never know the cause. There was just no need to know what it was.
A grand vision on a rough day is this. I wouldn’t say I like how I feel today, but I will focus on ways to be helpful so that I like what I did and said at the end of the day. If I have taken a look and discussed anything needed, it is time to focus on actions.