#001 - The New Year Letter
In this kick-off episode, I discuss:
Set up for the New Year.
How to trend upward, accepting the jagged line of progress.
Brendan Fraser’s definition of being a gentleman.
The inverse relationship between how close we are to people and the effort put into making them comfortable.
Questions or show ideas: theriverghost@henrycoen.com
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Welcome to Henry's Cabin. This is episode one. I'm Henry Cohen. This is Great Wave Studios underneath the lodge. Uh, the reason it's episode one, it fits very well because it is the 2nd of January, 2024. This was not a New Year's resolution. It was actually the result of a conversation I had New Year's Eve at a, uh, it was a, it was a, it was a party.
I get more of a kid party. There's a lot of kids there. They wanted to see midnight, big age range. We had a lot of board games going. Risk was kind of the big one up until midnight. There. There's another game. I, I forget the title of it. I, I want to get back to it. It's, uh. It explained the stock market very well, but it was magical potions and they changed in value as the game went.
You could buy and sell them. It was very quick to learn. Even for, uh, there were some five and six year olds playing. They picked up on it pretty quickly. It was a great visual for that. Anyway, I'm talking with a couple of the other women there. One of, uh, one of 'em is a, she's published, I think about four or five books, uh, different genre than me.
Uh, I do more of the middle grade fantasy. She's more adult, uh, still fantasy, but a little more witchy. Uh, and, and she does a podcast. I was asking about her podcast. And, uh, a couple of the other women there were suggesting that I try that in thinking about it, I, I think it does make more sense for my personality.
I have tried the reels, TikTok, the short form video. It's just, it has rubbed me the wrong way so far for this reason. I, I understand the addictive nature of that type of, of media, and I know that I must grab people's attention within the first two seconds, jam a lot of big ideas into a very small space.
I try to be funny. Try to do that very quickly, uh, which means I either have to be really funny immediately. Scare someone, uh, throw gasoline on the FOMO fire, make 'em feel like they're gonna miss out if they don't watch it. And it just, it jams me up a little bit. I think I come across a little, well, I know I come across a little stiff because, uh, they finally let me know that.
And I, I do understand it is a skill that takes some practice. Uh, I'm gonna keep at it, but in the meantime, I, I do like the idea of doing a podcast, of being a little long. Form and explaining some things in this way. So there you go. That's the explanation of why it's episode one. Also, it's the first one.
It's another reason why it's episode one. With it being New Year's, I've, I've gotta touch on my tradition. It is similar to the resolutions and a lot of people do this. I think there's pretty much there. There's two camps. There's those that say, uh, resolutions are, are dumb. Uh. And I think the people that say resolutions are dumb fall into two camps.
Beyond that, if we're going like a little chart here, uh, and then people that, that are all about it and, and really get into it and have fun with it, um, some set themselves up for disappointment, but some, it's a great visual. It's a great look forward to. I have my own, my own process, uh, that I've, I've actually, it's kind of evolved over the past several years.
It started with a simple just. New Year's Day, I would write down some things I'd want to see happen that year. Uh, just a list of goals, really, something to, to shoot toward. Similar to vision boards weren't really a, a thing at that point, so I was just writing a list that really followed years later. Uh, so I wrote this list, this one particular year.
I remember within three months, everything on it had come to pass. And, uh, I think that's really when I got my head around the power of, of taking the, the new year as a way to kind of visualize and plan and have some goals and shoot for that. Uh, and I was so impressed. I mean, I still remember this was, I mean, it had to be 25 years ago, uh, that at that point.
So since then, probably. Well, I could know exactly if I looked, but I'm guessing five or six years ago, I started writing a letter to my future self. So New Year's Day, I sit down and I write a letter to that version of myself. Um, for accountability's sake, you know, it's, uh, I, I write and I really do. I address it.
Dear Future Henry and I write everything that, uh, that I would like to see happen that year. Now, in the beginning it did start off with specific metrics, and when I say specific metrics, I mean you could say I want to be healthier in the new year, which is kind of wishy-washy. You could kind of just make up if you did that or not, or it's, I'm going to the gym x number of times a week.
I'm going to cut out these specific foods that are bad for me. Or only eat them x number of times per month, whatever it is. Those are metrics very specific. And, and I started off heavily with metrics. Uh, but I've leaned way more toward, I want to trend in this direction because I noticed I was just setting myself up for, uh, a little, a little bit of an impossible goal.
Um, we tend to trend toward things anyway. It. It's when I'm doing really well, it still looks like a stock market ticker. You know those, those graphs that are just up and down and dropping and very jagged, but they generally go up if it's trending upward. That's how my goals appear when I'm doing really well.
It's still, I mean, you make a commitment. New Year's, I'm. Let's go. I'm doing this, I'm gonna, let's say it's a physical activity, and then on the second you come down with the flu and it's just you have a dip. Um, but then you come out of it, you're so grateful to be able to physically do something that you just, you hit it extra hard, it spikes a little bit.
Uh, there's going to be ups and downs like that throughout the year, but if you take a step back and look at the macro. It goes up, it trends upward. So rather than having two specific of metrics, I go, here's some general things I wanna, I want to trend in a positive direction with. It's a little more gentle, a little more tangible.
Uh, and it's fun that way. Uh, but it also allows for things to come up. Like if I, if I say I want to do this perfectly this entire year, and I'm going to, and I'm gonna, okay, podcast, I will have 52 podcasts, one weekly. New Year's next year that do Well, no, that's not gonna happen. I'm gonna take vacations stuff.
Maybe something that's, that's saying everything this year is going to go exactly what I think it's going to. No tragedy's gonna come up. Nothing really big's going to come up. I'm just, that's the deal. Uh, this past year I went to Scotland for two weeks. Unexpected. Well, I knew I expected it for a little while, but it was not planned for a very long time.
I had no idea that was coming and it came. So things like that happen, I gotta allow for that within those plans. So it's gotta be, it's gotta be fun, it's gotta be positive. So I write this letter to my future self knowing that I'm going to be reading it, and I'm going to have to take a look at myself and go, why did I trend away from this, uh, this past year?
I had some that, uh, some things I said, well, I'm gonna follow through with this. And I very specifically chose not to, and I know why that is. You know, one of 'em was, uh, well actually it has to do with this.
I am editing three books at the same time, uh, updating a website and, uh, trying to figure out social media. I was also. Doing some other work related things and it, it added up to be too much. So I cut some things out. You know, I, I took a hiatus from the blog and I took a hiatus from social media and I focused on my, my family.
And, uh, when I had spare time, I was writing because that is the whole. Point of all of this anyway. Uh, but I know why I did that, and I know why I stepped back and, and there were some changes that happened in my schedule. But also when you set these things up, I'm gonna do A, B, C, D. Sometimes you have to experiment with what that actually looks like week to week.
Do you have that much energy? Do you have that much spirit? Uh, is it physical energy, spiritually, men, mental energy? And you start playing all that out, you know, there may be enough hours in the day. Mathematically to accomplish all of these tasks. That doesn't mean that your whole heart can be in all of them.
'cause there is such a thing as fatigue and it takes some breaks. Uh, and, and sometimes I, I'd rather be there for my, for my family a hundred percent. Uh, sometimes chilling out and taking a break, and meditation and recovery need to be on the to-do list as much as anything else. Or it all starts to crumble.
So. I am, uh, I'm into it. I had fun with it. Uh, this year. What do I want to trend toward?
How do I word this? Because I really spent some time with this. There's really two main things. One of them, if you've ever seen the movie, God, it was Brendan Frazier, what was it? Uh, he's in a bomb shelter for 30 years and then he comes out and it's like, what's up? And he still. You know, I think he went down when he was 10 or something real young.
Who's his dad? Um, I don't know. Anyway, he defines being a gentleman 'cause he's all polite and he's been with his parents for 30 years and they taught him social skills and so he comes up and he is like very polite and nice to everyone. And, uh, he lets his, these two people he makes friends with, know the definition of being a gentleman.
And he says that all it means to be a gentleman is to make those around you as comfortable as possible. And they're like, well, that, that dawns on the light bulbs go off. Like, ah, that makes sense. I've never, I've never thought about it like that. So in thinking about that with myself, I wanna make everyone around me as comfortable as possible.
I also think about how we do that in reverse order to how close we are to people. So in other words. Immediate family, the people that we're closest to tend to get the least effort with being a gentleman or a lady or whatever, however you wanna call that. And then those of us we really want to impress that are out on the fringe that we don't know that well.
We tend to put more effort into impressing and being polite and, and things like, the more insecure we are around someone, the more effort they get, they get our best behavior. Uh, that's completely backwards. I should give the most effort into making those closest to me comfortable because after all, the people in our immediate family, they're in our comfort zone.
You know, they're in their house. They're in our house. We should absolutely make sure that they feel completely comfortable around us. You know, no one should have to feel uncomfortable in their own home. And if I'm in their home, that's up to me. So that's something I would like to trend in a positive direction.
Now, I'm not saying that that's bad, uh, but I did recognize the inverse relationship between effort to put into making people comfortable and how close they are. To me. Um, and, and sometimes we don't know. We don't know how we're making people feel, and we can read signs wrong. You know, sometimes when people have hurt feelings, uh, they, they come across angry and we can, that can aggravate certain things.
So, you know, regardless of how, whatever feedback I'm getting, I want to, for me. Put a lot of effort into making those around me comfortable. That's one thing. The other is realizing someday has come, it is upon us. Uh, and I wanna do all those things I say I'm gonna do when there's time. There's not gonna be time unless I make it.
And nothing big. Just like kayaking more fishing, more things like that. Um, taking my kids. My son has asked for a survival camping trip. I know how to do that. I've done that. It's 30 degrees right now. I'm, it's going to happen. And he wants to do full blown build a shelter. No tents kill our own food. I don't know if he really knows what that looks like.
Uh, but we're gonna do it. I've done it before. He wants to do it. Uh, I don't wanna kill the curiosity. As an Italian once told me, um, I love the Italian culture, but he, he explained to me, you don't wanna kill the curiosity. As soon as you see that curiosity jump all over it. And, uh, sometimes we can make plans for, for later down the calendar.
Like, oh, you're interested in this. Okay, let's, uh, let's find a time here in a, in a few months when things calm down, let's make that happen. Uh, who says their curiosity is gonna last two months? You know, I mean, I could see a matter of weeks going by and he's, he's moved on from the idea of survival, camping, and then that little tiny spark never turns into a flame.
Of wanting to be outdoorsy, and I know what it is. You got a pocket knife for Christmas and he is fired up on, on the idea of using it and being outdoorsy. And, uh, it's time to, it's time to nurture that curiosity. And that means I'm gonna be sleeping in a pile of pines, drawing some 30 degree weather. And that's a, that's, that's a cheap price of admission for knowing that I did that.
So that's, that's what I mean by. You know, someday has come. I want to, to strike and jump on those things as much as possible. That's pretty much the whole list. So now you know my personal letter that I wrote, uh, that's very intimate and there you go. I'm gonna blast it out to whoever. It's a little more eloquent than that in in letter form.
Oh. So I write this letter. Fold it up, put an envelope, address it, and then I slip it in the Christmas decorations, uh, because, well, they're generally put up by the first, and so I now be in the second. I just, I open the box, I know, put it in there. When I get them out after Thanksgiving next year, I'll read it and really reflect on it for that month.
Until I write next year's letter. Uh, I have handwritten them, but I also do it digitally. In other words, I type it out so I can keep an archive of it. And it's really fun to look at my letters through the years, and there's a level of accountability there where I can really see how I've grown and change and what I was thinking about.
I, for, I, I forget so quickly where I was at emotionally, what I was aiming toward. What I considered a serious goal and, and how that matures and how quickly and how different it is now. So I have fun with that. Um, I mentioned a couple camps with the resolutions. I don't know, did I? I did in my notes and in my mind, I don't know if I really did, if I didn't.
I think there's a couple camps. I know this 'cause I've heard people say this recently. Openly making fun of resolutions. Talking trash about 'em. Uh, I think some people get a little nervous. Maybe the accountability aspect scares them. That's fine. That's, it's no big deal. But so many people get into it. I just don't want them to get, and you think it's, it's dumb or anything like that?
Because I think it's great. It's, it's such a positive to shoot for stuff, uh, to Who was it? Um. Michelangelo, what did he say? Exact, I have the quote. Lemme take a look. The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark.
So the first time I heard that it was one of those, like, I have to let that metabolize for a second. That's. Whoa. Okay. So it's not a setup to set my aim too high. That's a good thing. I want to reach, I want to stretch. If I set it too low, that's the dangerous one, because when I achieve it, I don't know how far I could have gone.
You know? I don't know. I maybe making a podcast would be a really good thing. I don't know. I'll do it. You know, maybe it's too high. Maybe I'm reaching too much. Try, I don't know. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna swing. You know, like Gretzky, you miss all the shots you don't take, right? So that's how I think of New Year's resolutions is, yeah, set your, set your aim high, you know, and then figure it out, you know, ready, ready, fire, aim.
And that a, a way of going about things, set 'em high, and then again, just trend upward and there's gonna be all kinds of dips and things like, that's fine. But, uh, that's, that's how I approach it. That's what I think. So with the, with the two camps that, that talk bad about it, I think there's those that are just scared.
Um,
and the other are correctly identifying the toolbox, uh, fallacy is what it's called, toolbox fallacy. It's a way to explain those that say, once I have this thing and usually a product you need to buy, then I can do the thing I wanna do, then I can achieve the goal. For example, uh, I want to do this podcast.
I want to do a video too. I had a cord in my, 'cause I keep random cords like most ads. I had an HDM Co, uh, the right HDMI cord to connect a. The camera to the laptop, I should be able to record. It would make sense if I could, but I couldn't. Okay. Maybe I need a, a driver downloaded it, still not working. It turns out there's another piece of gear that is needed to make this work that I don't have.
If I were to fall into the toolbox fallacy, I would say, well, I can't start a podcast. Until I have the right camera, the right core, the right interface, the right thing, whatever it is, when really like, no, I can do it now with a phone, uh, or the camera I have and just sync it up later, which is what I'm gonna do.
That's easy enough. That's the toolbox, fallacy. And I think some people that talk bad about resolutions are having some idea that people are doing that, like, um. And, and trying to protect them. I believe so. It's not, I don't think that, that everyone that says or talks trash about New Year's resolutions is, is bad.
But, uh, some of 'em have great intentions, but I think they fall into those two camps. Those are scared of accountability and those that, that are trying to protect others from the toolbox, fallacy, um. It's kind of a way to guilt yourself into accomplishing things. You know, I'm gonna spend a bunch of money or commit to something so that I have to follow through with it.
It, it doesn't really work well as evidenced by those that have a lot of things that they bought that never got used. Uh, I think a better way to do it is use that thing to buy as a reward for following through with, with whatever the thing is, you know? All right. I get. X number podcast. Cool. I get the little connector to make editing easier Done.
It's a little reward. It's a look forward to, and it's a motivator for consistency to keep things going. Um, so that's it. That's my letter. That's what I think about New Year's resolutions. I think it's a lot of fun. Uh, some. Some people like the vision board thing. I think that's awesome too. We do both. We do a vision board as a family.
Uh, there's pictures on it. We also just write a list, a family list of stuff we would like to do this year. Everyone gets in on it and it is, God. It's so fun and it's so fun. The different, the different ages, the, the types of things they come up with, but it gets everyone in that spirit of setting their aim very high and aiming for it.
And they get to see us. They get to see me and my wife fall short and be okay with it and keep swinging, you know, keep taking shots and keep trying to trend upward, even with the ups and downs along that I. That graph, uh, that will happen. It's gonna happen. Sometimes it happens for, you know, two months.
There's going, I know stuff's gonna happen this year that I do not expect, uh, but I know the spirit of the way that I want to trend and that may need to evolve and adapt and things like that. And I think there should be room for that. So that's, that's my 2 cents on that. Vision boards, who is it? Simon Sinek.
He's a motivational speaker. I think he talks to big companies and, uh, he said that the reason the visuals work for us is there's a, a natural driver if you're, if you're in the desert and you see trees way off in the distance, you see the life. That visual will drive you to keep pushing on until you get to the water, you get to the food or something like that, which, which makes sense if you see the goal, uh, it's gonna remind you to put the effort in and, and you know what you're going for, you know, you know where you're headed.
So, yeah, I think vision boards are cool and it, it is a good reminder because I'm not gonna say that letter till next year unless I look, you know, I had thought about doing a quarterly check-in on my computer because it's, you know. I have the letter on there as well. Read over it. How am I going, how am I doing?
But I know, I know what the things are I need to do. So that's it. Um, play with it, mess with it. I don't know. What do you do? That's what I do. Um. Happy New Year. Have fun with that in until next time, uh, trend upward.