Gratitude as a Skill Part 1 - Develop Perspective

A head-on collision left me with a clear moment of perspective.

When I was seventeen, I went to night school. I found regular high school wasn't a good fit for me, and in retrospect, neither was nightschool, but that's how it went.

Collision

I left school at seven-thirty and drove my Honda Prelude to my next destination. It was winter, so it was dark, and it was also storming (yes, a dark and stormy night). I was headed down a highway and ended up in a head-on collision with a solidly built mid-eighties Volvo. I did not wear my seatbelt. 

The engine pushed the dashboard into my lap, stopping me from going through the windshield. Looking at the size of my car, one would assume a fatality. 

Realizing True Relationships

 After dealing with the police, a friend happened to drive by and see my crushed car. I realized this when they appeared out of nowhere, embracing me in a tearful, heartfelt hug. I had no idea this person cared about me this much. Maybe they didn’t either until that moment.

The Law of Relativity 

That’s how it goes. It’s called the law of relativity—a natural law, like gravity. Value is relative to the point of reference. Motivational speakers apply this concept to help people feel comfortable with higher salaries. Visualize a ridiculously high wage until it feels a little less ridiculous. Then a significant increase seems quite reasonable by comparison. It seems more tangible. When it looks more real, our willingness and enthusiasm to put in the work increase exponentially.

 My friend only realized what our relationship meant when faced with the thought of my death. 

 Similarly, I feel relief looking at a skinned knee after watching a child go down hard on a bike and fearing much worse. Survivors of prisoner-of-war camps tend not to complain a whole lot. Day-to-day life is a miracle relative to an experience like that.

Practicing Daily Gratitude

 These scary or painful moments that allow us to realize the miracle of everyday life are compelling, but the emotional effect is usually quite temporary. Gratitude practiced as a skill means remaining in touch with the abundance in life without going through pain to get that clarity.

So, what does that look like every day? This perspective isn't handed to us when things are average. Seeking out pain or drama is not the answer.

Making an Adjustment in Perspective

This involves practicing this perspective as you would any other skill in your daily life. We can choose our thoughts. Sure, some initial ones seem to pop in there uninvited, but we can redirect after that. 

It's a simple adjustment of your inner voice. When frustrated by traffic due to an accident, your initial thought might blame reckless driving. That's okay. Instead, say out loud, “I hope everyone is okay.” You may not initially want to say this, but the goal is not to reinforce what you already do well. It's about practicing something new—developing the skill of gratitude. It may be uncomfortable, which we try to avoid by telling ourselves the practice is silly or pointless.

It is not.

If you walk into a room and there are toys everywhere –

“Looks like y’all had fun; what did you play?”  (Yes, you may have to speak to everyone about cleaning up, but does that, coupled with frustration, need to be the first thing out of your mouth when you enter the room?)

When you already have a lot to do, and someone calls with a silly problem, they could have figured it out themselves –

I get opportunities to be helpful, and I may have things a bit more together. If so, many see me as a source of strength and stability. It is good to have friends. 

Sometimes, it's feast or famine: the silence of no one calling or creating a mess compared to the flood of those requiring your attention and love.

Always Teaching

As we practice, our gratitude grows more robust, and our initial reaction transforms into a positive one.

However, I believe the most significant benefit to putting this into practice, especially out loud even when no one is around or listening, is that often, when we don’t realize it or aren’t paying attention - our kids are. They are listening. They are learning the way to look at the world. 

Whether we intend to or not, we are always teaching.